"My parents don't approve of my LDR"
I've received endless emails with the same question... "What do I do if my parents don't approve of my long distance relationship?"
Honestly, this isn’t an easy question to answer. Unfortunately, sometimes parents don’t understand what a long distance relationship is. At the end of the day, when someone says they’re dating someone from a different state, or country, it’s not the easiest news to process – especially for a parent! Think about how much the times have changed… Our parents didn’t grow up with the technology that most of us have now. So, if you haven’t met your LDR partner yet, then telling your parents that you’ve been video-chatting your new boyfriend (who lives in another country) might sound crazy to them!
Here are two examples of emails I've received...
Email 1. “My boyfriend lives in New Jersey, and I live in Alabama… How do I cope with the struggles of my parents not accepting him and I? With my parents not accepting my relationship and them having taken all my electronics away, part of me believes the relationship will fade out or not be worth it.”
Email 2. “I’m facing a problem… My better half wants to break up because she said “my parents don’t approve of my long distance relationship.” How can I convince her not to?”
So, without further ado, here is some advice on how to handle this situation.
- Tell your parents how you feel
- Listen to what they have to say
- Listen to your heart
- Lay out your finances to them
- Understand the sacrifices
Tell your parents how you feel
Obviously no one is going to be happy that their parents don’t approve of their relationship… So, it’s important to tell your parents how that makes you feel. Be honest with them. Tell them how much you care about your partner, and why you want to pursue your long distance relationship. Explain to them that long distance relationships CAN work! As someone who has been in an LDR for over 4 years, I know firsthand that LDRs can succeed. (Make sure to click here to check out our LDR Love Stories tab for further proof of successful long distance couples!)
Listen to what they have to say
As much as you won’t want to, listen to what your parents have to say. They might have some good points! For example, if you’re young and you’ve been talking to someone from another country, they might argue that they think it’s too unsafe for you to travel there. In all fairness, they might be right. If you’re under the age of 18, and have been talking to someone who refuses to video-chat, then maybe it’s not the best idea for you to go fly alone to see them. You want to make sure that really know who you’re talking to first. Catfishing is easy nowadays. At the end of the day, your parents are looking out for you, and they want to ensure that you’re safe. So, listen to what they have to say and take it into consideration.
Listen to your heart
Now, if your gut is telling you that your partner is definitely the one, and that you can make your relationship work no matter who supports it, then go for it! You don’t need every single person that you know to support your decisions. If you’re an adult, then you’re old enough to make your own choices. So, although the previous point said to listen to what your parents have to say, you also don’t have to listen to what they say – Just make sure to her them out first… Again, this point is for people who are over the age of 18.
Lay out your finances to them
A major reason that parents don’t support their kids being in a long distance relationship is because of financial reasons. Traveling back and forth to see your partner can get pretty expensive, especially if they live in another country! I’d suggest writing out a list of how you will be able to afford your relationship. Show how you will save money, and not have to rely on them to basically pay for your relationship. This will ease your parents minds, and in the end, will even help you! Both of you will feel more comfortable with the whole situation. (For advice on how to afford a long distance relationship, click here!)
Understand the sacrifices
Depending on how accepting your parents are, sometimes you will have to make sacrifices. If your parents are unhappy that you’re in a long distance relationship, and they’re refusing to approve, then you need to make a tough choice. Is your partner worth the resentment that your parents may have towards you, and potentially your partner? There’s no correct answer here – it’s just what you are willing to give up.
That was advice for those of you who asked, "what do I do if my parents don't approve of my long distance relationship?"
I hope you were able to gain some insight from this blog… Thank you to everyone who sent emails asking for advice, and I hope I was able to help you figure out how to handle this tough situation.
I’d also like to say that I’m sorry if your parents don’t agree with your LDR – I can’t imagine how that must make you feel… Please, if you ever need any more advice, then make sure to join our LDR support group on Facebook. Click here to join!