Is he cheating?

One of the most terrifying thoughts that could cross your mind while in a relationship is, “is my boyfriend cheating?” (or is my girlfriend cheating?) When I say I get asked a lot for advice on cheating, I mean a lot, a lot… Someone had sent me an email about how she’s unsure if her boyfriend is cheating… In the email she said:

“He hasn’t done anything as far as I’m aware to make me not trust him, however, we don’t have any mutual friends (because of how we met) so I feel like he could very easily cheat on me.”

Another reader said:

“About a month ago, my boyfriend ended things extremely abruptly. He was vague and basically said it’s too hard to be long distance and he just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m absolutely heartbroken and can’t help but wonder if he cheated on me.”

So, it’s completely normal if you’ve ever had these same thoughts, because as you can tell, you’re not alone.

Here are signs that your boyfriend or girlfriend might be cheating...

1. They don't let you touch their phone

Don’t get me wrong – It’s definitely important that everyone has privacy… However, if their phone rings and you go to answer it for them, and they start freaking out – then something might be up. Now, this doesn’t give you the right to go through all their texts, but it’s also okay for you to do things on their phone. They shouldn’t have anything to hide if they’re being faithful. So, if they shy away with their phone when you’re around, then maybe it’s worth having a look through. If you don’t want to invade their privacy that way, then you can also just ask them why they feel the need to hide their phone and go from there.

2. They're distant

If your partner has been making you upset because they’re not texting you as much, or they’re always going out with ‘new friends’, then you need to tell them how that makes you feel. If they’re always busy, and spending time with other people, but can’t give you a simple call, then that’s definitely not okay. So, if you can feel your partner getting more and more distant, then have a serious talk and tell them that that’s how you feel! They might not even realize that they’re being distant.

3. They remember things wrong

If you’ve noticed that your partner has been mixing up details of your life, or even their life, then that’s a bit sketchy… If the next time you see them they ask you on a date and say ‘let’s go to the restaurant where we shared that pizza’, but you never went to that restaurant, or, they ask you how your friend Caroline is doing, but you don’t have a friend named Caroline, then you need to speak up. Yes, they may just be mixing it up on accident, but if they’re constantly misremembering things about your life, then they’re thinking of someone else.

4. They're messaging people privately

Sometimes it’s difficult to find out if your partner is messaging other people… However, if you noticed that one of their best friends on Snapchat is a girl (or boy) that you’ve never heard of, then bring it up… Ask them who that person is. It might just be an old friend, or it may be a new friend. Trust me, it’s better for your sanity to know who it is, just so you don’t drive yourself crazy over it. If you’re married, then there are other measures you can go through. You can get their phone log printed out by calling your carrier, and see messages and calls that way. I don’t want to just say to go grab your partner’s phone and go through it, but if you have a gut feeling that something is up, then go for it.

5. They're leaving flirty comments on other people's photos

On Instagram, you can see the activity of other users. If you’re scrolling on Instagram and notice that your partner has been leaving flirtatious comments on other people’s pics, then you have a problem. Because you follow your partner on Instagram, you’ll be able to see photos they liked. As you click a photo, it will say ‘liked by’, and if they commented on it, then you will be able to see their comment. Whether your partner just left a kissy emoji, or a flirty compliment, they shouldn’t be leaving comments like that on anyone’s photos but yours. Bring it up to them and see what their reasoning is. ‘They looked good’ – isn’t a fair answer. It’s okay to think other people are attractive, but if they’re actively trying to get someone else’s attention and they’re leaving flirtatious comments, then that’s a red flag.

6. They're not interested in sleeping with you

When you’re an adult, a big part of being in a relationship is being sexually active.

Just a disclaimer, if you’ve just started dating, or you’re not comfortable doing that yet, then that’s totally okay! This is for couples who have already passed that point in their relationship.

If your partner all of a sudden isn’t interested in sleeping with you, or pulls away when you’re kissing, then chances are someone else is fulfilling that part of the relationship. Tell them how you feel. It’s unfair for you to go on being unsure as to why they don’t want to touch you. So, bring it up to them.

7. They keep mentioning someone else's name

If your partner keeps mentioning someone else’s name that you’re not familiar with, or someone who you don’t trust in their friend group, then that’s a red flag. For example, if you’re with your boyfriend at a restaurant and he says something like ‘Oh, Molly loves getting pizza here’ or ‘My friend Molly loves when we go here’ – but, you don’t know who Molly is, then that could potentially be a red flag, too. Now, it might just be a close friend, but if you notice that your partner has been mentioning the same name over and over, day after day, then ask them what the deal is.

8. You found evidence

This point is pretty self-explanatory. If you end up going through your partners phone and you find flirty texts, photos, or constant calls from someone, then you have your answer… Unfortunately, there are tons of people in the world who are extremely selfish and sometimes you have to find out the hard way. It’s better that you find out about it, rather than continue your relationship with someone who is treating you badly.

That was advice on how to find out if you're being cheated on.

Having thoughts like this isn’t easy, so I hope these tips can help you figure out exactly what’s really going on. If you ever need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on, then please feel free to reach out on our contact form, or join our LDR Facebook support group. Click here to join.

Good luck!

6 COMMENTS

Lizbeth
3 years ago

So I’ve been talking to a guy for two months. We are doing long distance. Beginning of this months I would ask him if I can call him but he tells me that he is very busy and stressed and I would ask him “how come ?” He just tells me he will tell me later and he never does and it’s been happening for almost two weeks. So I don’t don’t what to think girl ?

- Pnina
  2 years ago
  
  You should talk to him and tell him how you feel because I know my boyfriend is always busy but he’ll tell me why he is busy . He should be telling you what is wrong and why he’s so busy all the time . He should at least have 5mins free just to call you I think he’s coming up with excuse and you should tell him how you feel . And if it keeps happening it just shows what he is up too.
  
Pnina
2 years ago

How do you keep the distance going when your in a long term relationship? I really love my boyfriend and it’s been 1 month and 3 weeks and he’s already saying distance is the problem . He saying he wants me and I’m saying I want him and we don’t want this this to ever end . We have seen each other once . I honestly don’t know what to do ?

- Monica Gartner
  2 years ago AUTHOR
  
  Hey Pnina,
  
  Thanks for your comment! Here is some advice on how to cope with the distance:
  https://longdistancerelationships.blog/how-to-cope-with-long-distance/
  
  Hope it helps!
  
Emerald
2 years ago

So I’ve been talking to this guy for about 2 month, and just about until June 15th we would talk like almost everyday, FaceTime and messages. Now he barely messages me and we haven’t done a FaceTime in forever. And my mind is just going through so many possibilities because this girl has been flirting with him and he’s been talking to her a lot lately. What should I do?

- Monica Gartner
  2 years ago AUTHOR
  
  You have to be honest with him… Tell him how you’re feeling and that you’re uncomfortable with the girl who keeps flirting with him. Communication is key!
  Good luck!!

“Is My Boyfriend Cheating?”

Is he cheating?