One of the most terrifying thoughts that could cross your mind while in a relationship is, "is my boyfriend cheating?" (or the other way around, of course!)
When we say we get asked a lot, (and we mean a LOT), for advice on cheating, we’re not kidding!
One of our readers sent us an email about how she’s unsure if her boyfriend is cheating. She said ‘He hasn’t done anything as far as I’m aware to make me not trust him however we don’t have any mutual friends (because of how we met) so he could very easily cheat on me.’
Another reader said ‘About a month ago, my boyfriend ended things extremely abruptly. He was vague and basically said it’s too hard to be long distance and he just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m absolutely heartbroken and can’t help but wonder if he cheated on me.’
So, it’s completely normal if you’ve ever had these same thoughts – you’re not alone.
Here are some signs that your boyfriend or girlfriend might actually be cheating…
1. They don’t let you touch their phone
It’s definitely important that everyone has privacy… However, if their phone rings and you go to answer it and they start freaking out – then something is up. Now, this doesn’t give you the right to go through all their texts, but it’s okay for you to be on their phone. If they shy away with their phone when you’re around, then maybe it’s worth having a look through.
2. They’re distant
This is difficult to figure out when you’re in a long distance relationship. If your partner isn’t texting you as much, or is always going out with ‘new friends’, then you should have a talk and be honest with how you feel. Obviously when you’re in an LDR, it’s more difficult to find out if what they’re telling you is the truth. If you can feel them getting more and more distant, then have a serious talk and tell them how you feel! When you bottle up your feelings, sooner or later, your emotions will blow up.
3. They remember things wrong
For example, if the next time you go to visit your LDR partner, they start mixing things up, then something is wrong. If they ask you on a date and say ‘let’s go to the restaurant we went to last month after watching Spiderman’ and you didn’t see that movie with them, then that’s a red flag.
4. They’re messaging people privately
If you see on their Snapchat account that one of their best friends is a girl (or boy) that you’ve never heard of, then bring it up. They might be an old friend, or they can be a new friend. It’s better for your sanity to know who it is, so you don’t drive yourself crazy over it.
5. They’re leaving flirty comments on other people’s photos
On Instagram, you can see the activity of other users. If you check it and see that your partner has been leaving flirtatious comments on other people’s pics, then you have a problem. Whether it’s a kissy emoji, or a flirty compliment, your partner shouldn’t be leaving comments like that on anyone’s photos but yours. Bring it up to them and see what their reasoning is. ‘They looked good’ – isn’t a fair answer. It’s okay to think other people are attractive, but if you voice that to them and also publicly, that could be considered flirting.
6. They’re not interested in sleeping with you
A big part of being in a relationship is being sexually active. Just a disclaimer, if you’ve just started dating or you aren’t comfortable doing that yet, that’s totally okay! This is for couples who have already passed that point in their relationship. If your partner all of a sudden isn’t interested in sleeping with you, or pulls away when you’re kissing, then chances are someone else is fulfilling that part of the relationship for you. Tell them how you feel!
7. They keep mentioning someone else’s name
If your partner keeps mentioning someone else’s name that you’re not familiar with, or someone who you don’t trust in their friend group, that’s a red flag. For example, if you’re with your boyfriend at a restaurant and he says something like ‘Oh, Molly loves getting pizza here’ or ‘My friend Molly loves when we go here’ – that could potentially be a red flag, too. Now, it might just be a close friend, but if you notice that your partner has been mentioning the same name constantly, then it’s time for you to have a talk with them.
8. You found evidence
This one is pretty self-explanatory. If you do end up going through your partners phone and find flirty texts, photos, or constant calls from someone, then you have your answer. Unfortunately, there are some uncaring people in this world and sometimes you have to find out the hard way.
We hope these tips can help you find your answer.
Having thoughts like this isn’t easy, so hopefully these tips can help assure you of what’s really going on. If you ever need someone to talk to, or vent to, or a shoulder to cry on, then feel free to reach out on our contact form and we can have a chat!